"The good man
brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and the evil man brings
evil things out of the evil stored up in him. But I tell you that men will have
to give account on the Day of Judgment for every careless word they have
spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned"
(Matthew 12:35-37).
Gossip is a great time-killer, for those who have it to kill. It is also a
great people-killer. Oh, not outright. Sometimes it takes years for that
titillating and scintillating bit of slander to take its toll. When the person
finally dies of heartbreak, no one understands. Why should they? After all, who
remembers the stone that was first thrown: the lie or innuendo that started the
slow ripple and agonizing death of one's trust and love?
I have a friend whose marriage is a see-saw affair, and I was having rather
uncharitable thoughts myself about a woman who acted my friend when with me,
and then spoke with forked tongue when with other mutual friends of ours. One
day Mary Fran and I delved into our subjects with our own forked tongues. Mary
Fran is married to Chief Black Cloud, a nickname her sons gave their dad. Chief
Black Cloud's fuse is quite short, and one of the older boys crowned his dad
with that inglorious title after the boy left home and discovered that merrier
hearts do exist in this vale of tears.
Mary Fran told me about her system to keep sanity and humor intact. Years
before she had purchased three silly-looking but marriage-saving little statues,
one with the word "Peace," another, "I Love You This Much"
and the third one, "I'm Sorry." Depending on how much static was
clogging the line of communication, that
is how many statues that landed on the bed that day. The "Goofies,"
as Mary Fran nicknamed them, have saved many an argumentable and lamentable
day.
We discussed the red-flag words and phrases that cripple family relationships,
in particular. These are, among many, "You never..." and "You
always..." These are sure-fire losing combinations! These flags are waved
when the white flag of reconciliation is most needed: when mommy is sagging
from a 28-hour day with hyper and ventilating kids; when daddy arrives home
from the job breathing fire at his boss's incompetence, etc. For ten
inexplicable reasons rolled into the one of human nature, this is when we slap
each other with the always and the nevers, the you-shoulds and I-woulds: the
negatives that have others feeling stupid. One man I know asks his wife and
children how it feels to be uncoordinated whenever they have their few minor
mishaps. Perhaps this is supposed to keep them all on their toes! They had a
perfect chance to get even when the man almost lost his thumb in a tractor
accident, but charity won out.
Mary Fran said there are days when she wants to retaliate in kind, but decided
it is best to be kind. Years ago I read
something that touched me deeply. The book was written by a Christian
psychologist. He said it has been proven that the finest feeling follows the
finest doing. It works for her. It should work for us all.
I am a fortunate owner of the American Edition of the works of Martin Luther.
He had much to say on gossip and its terrible by-products. Luther pointed out
that when we gossip we are doing Satan's chores for him. He related the
incident, possibly fact but more probably fiction, of a couple so happily
married that it was the talk of the town. The devil couldn't cause disharmony
between them, but he finally hit upon the trick: he sent an old hag to the wife
to tell her that her husband was having an affair with another woman and
planned to kill her and that she would find a knife under his pillow. She then
hurriedly went to the husband with the same terrible tale. Unfortunately for
the wife, the husband found her knife first, and that was the end of the town's
happiest marriage. There are several vital lessons here: poisonous tongues
kill; Satan is behind the poisonous tongue; trust your partner; and, above all,
check your sources.
Gossip is verbal interest in the failings of others rather than their feelings.
Our own faults should keep us busy enough praying to a forgiving and forgetting
Father and offering prayers of thanksgiving that He so willingly overlooks our
own many malpractices of tongue. “He who scatters the seeds of dissension and
strife reaps in his own soul the deadly fruits. The very act of looking for
evil in others develops evil in those who look” (Anonymous). As we all
eventually discover, church members are especially astute at weeding out
others' grubby little sins. There is nothing like one's own righteousness to
highlight the other person's lack of it. "They who are free from the
grosser sins, and even bear the outward show of sanctity, will often exalt
themselves by detracting others under the pretense of zeal, whilst their real motive
is love of evil-speaking" (Calvin). In today’s English, that means I’m
holier than you!
"True Christians will not exult in exposing the faults and deficiencies of
others. They will turn away from vileness and deformity, to fix the mind upon
that which is attractive and lovely. To the Christian every act of
faultfinding, every word of censure or condemnation, is painful" (E.G.
White). In his superb booklet, Bones in
The Church, J.L. Tucker told of a dear old Black minister who preached from
2 Peter 2:1 where it says that in the last days "damnable heresies"
will come in, only the preacher kept calling it "damnable heresays."
After the service he was accosted by one of his more enlightened deacons who
told him that the verse says "damnable heresies." The pastor, knowing
more about the church than the deacon, retorted, "It isn't the heresies
that are bothering this church, it's the heresays." Elder Tucker also
warned the jawbone people about depriving the minister of his greatest value:
his influence. The parents and children who attend church and then come home
and dissect the sermon and the minister can undo in one afternoon what a
minister has spent years in prayer, time and tears so he can bring a message of
comfort and hope to his flock. The parents may wonder years later why their son
or daughter left the church.
A rattlesnake warns before he strikes. We don't bother to give warning; we
strike in the act of rattling and tattling. As Christians who look forward to
the joys of eternal life, it is imperative that we resolve our differences
while bound to earth. Paul was most concerned about this, for in his day
Christians faced outside forces and they needed moral and physical stamina that
could not be wasted on family and church squabbles. Besides, what positive
effect could gossip, envy and all the debris that collects from an unconverted
heart have on those "unconverted" who, in many instances back then as
well as now, acted more Christian than those who claimed to be such?
Paul, ever concerned about his dear flock, admonished his Corinthian faithful:
"For I am afraid that when I come I may not find you as I want you to be,
and you may not find me as you want me to be. I fear that there may be
quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, factions, slander, gossip, arrogance
and disorder" (2 Corinthians 12:20). One commentator lists eight specific
evils of this church: strife, suspicion, spleen, selfishness, slander,
scandal-mongering, super-egoism and sulkiness, and suggests that the serpent's
hiss could still be heard at Corinth. Is it possible that the serpent's hiss is
heard in our homes and churches? God forbid!
Dr. James T. Jeremiah of Cedarville College in Ohio gave an apt description of
the backbiter: "It has been suggested that biting is not always done with
the teeth. The tongue feels soft compared to your teeth, but it is twice as
sharp. A backbiter is not a person who bites back, but one who bites behind
your back." We need to be careful of all our words. "Words may be
uttered hastily and hence may not reflect the real sentiments of the speaker.
But those unpremeditated remarks, often so trifling as to be unworthy of
notice, are viewed through Satan's magnifying glass, pondered, and repeated
until molehills become mountains” (Anonymous). The following poem by Unknown
should help us to reflect before we flex our vocal cords to shoot out words we
mean or don't mean:
Remember, three things come not back;
The arrow spent upon its track.
It will not swerve, it will not stay
Its speed. It flies to wound or slay.
The spoken word so soon forgot by thee;
But it has perished not.
In other hearts 'tis living still,
And doing work for good or ill.
And the lost opportunity,
That cometh back no more to thee;
In vain thou weepest, in vain doest yearn;
These three will never more return.
In extensive reading on this abhorrent habit, it became clear that gossip is
compensation for an inferiority complex. But it is so self-defeating. The sad
outcome is the hopelessness engendered by the individual who, in an attempt to
pull himself together by ripping others apart, only serves notice that he can't
be trusted and soon finds loneliness an unwelcome companion. Then he vents what
he feels is justified anger on those who no longer share because they don't
wish to have any more chunks taken out of their reputations and motives.
I suppose one could say that of itself gossip is harmless, just as arsenic of
itself can be used to kill weeds. Unfortunately, with gossip, in the detailing
and retailing of it, we have the all-too-human tendency to add a pinch here and
a cupful there. Gossip by its very nature must be subjective, for there is
simply no way that we can know all the facts of a person's life. Even if we
did, these facts would be colored by our own personal attitudes and
experiences.
Most of us have played the childhood game of standing in a circle and passing
along a statement of fact or fancy started by player number one. The final
result always produced amusement and amazement by the time it got to player number
fifteen or twenty. The game is funny, but the reality of gossip can range from
mild reaction to vicious action.
Today I can laugh at an incident that happened years ago when I went grocery
shopping with the then only three of my eventual five sons. While going about
the business of getting groceries for my family, with the help of my three
little ones, a woman came up to me and announced that I was pregnant. "I
have my knowledge on good authority," to quote Mrs. Busybody. I wasted
valuable time trying to convince her that to my apparently limited knowledge I
was not; that perhaps her informant had omniscient powers that I thought only
God possessed. When I was finally able to return to the more important matter
of grocery shopping, I still had not convinced her. If this lady had been stuck
with my issues to raise and educate, then she would have had ample excuse for
such concern, but I hardly knew her. But at that time our town was rather
small!
There are three areas in which we can judge our tendency to gossip, and three
tests by which we can judge the seriousness of our gossip. In the areas we
have:
1) things;
2) people; and
3) ideas.
Which one of these is most appealing to us? I believe this is the right order,
too. In our thing-oriented society, we often find ourselves discussing the
externals of life and ways to obtain and maintain them. If we choose people, it
should be to talk with them, not at them or about them. If we talk about ideas,
then we discuss ideals, certainly something to be commended in this day of
deteriorating ideas and ideals both.
The three tests of gossip are:
1) is it true;
2) is it really necessary and constructive to the welfare of them and us to
repeat this?
3) is it done out of love.
If these three criteria -- and it must be all three -- can't be satisfied, then
it is far better to bury the morsel six feet under our memories and leave the
judging (which is what gossip is) to God, who long ago forgave and forgot.
One of my favorite Bible verses is 1 John 1:9: "If we confess our sins, he
is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all
unrighteousness." Surely saying the wrong thing at the wrong time in the
wrong way is unrighteousness. And for some of us, when we have been so unrighteous
as to do in a friend or even an enemy, it is so difficult for us to grasp the
concept of total forgiveness. If we are so fortunate as to have finely attuned
consciences, we feel that we have done the ultimate; perhaps committed the
unpardonable sin because of the consequences to that person. In dealing with
the temptation and even the unfortunate fact of hanging another rumor on the
grapevine, this verse can help. God does forgive! I doubt there is a person
reading this who has not regretted something said in anger, frustration,
resentment, haste or whatever. There are varying degrees of results of our lack
of discretion and sins of the tongue, too. We drop the pebble of hate,
hostility, innuendo, jealousy or wounded pride, and the ripple effect reaches
to the very gates of heaven – or hell -- itself.
Exactly where is the beginning of war, divorce, teenage rebellion, murder,
suicide? Where do we find that feather of a word that has become a very sword?
How grateful I am that God is faithful and just to forgive us and cleanse us of
the sins of our tongues. But unfortunately, He cannot go around the world
gathering up what our winds of words have scattered over the airwaves.
As regards our being the subject of gossip, the most charitable remark I ever
heard from a victim was from the lips and heart of a precious old lady whose
life was a very model of Christian love. She lived in a high-rise for senior
citizens. One day she told me that she was the latest morsel in the jaws of the
character assassins; why, neither she nor I understood. She decided it was
because the folks had nothing better to do and, besides, "If they aren't
talking about me, they'll be talking about someone else, so that's all
right." Such compassion!
Unless we see the circumstances in another's life, we can cause that person
immeasurable and irreparable injustice. For years I heard relatives criticize
the wife of one of their own. The lady lived in another state, so I believed
what was said about her. When she and her husband retired and we eventually got
to know each other, I saw the side that apparently the rest of her family
didn't take the time to investigate: a warm, gentle and kind lady with talents
unrecognized and unappreciated except by her children. She was at our house one
evening and made a cutting remark about herself. I told her that she had been
listening too long to those who didn't even know her. It's wonderful how
differently we feel when we get to know others, and to understand the sums of
their sorrows and the divisions of their emotions. We give second thought
before we express our objections to their abjections. And we are most fortunate
if they grant us the same courtesy.
In his morning watch book, Prepare the
Way, Joe Engelkemier tells of a discussion about electronic devices, and
mention is made of the possibility of a device being developed by which men
could catch up with all the words said in the past so that history could be
heard again. Perhaps it is in the realm of possibility. Who would have thought
70 years ago that television would be so common (who would have thought 40
years ago that television would become so common!)? It's a sobering thought
that every idle and nasty word we speak may be floating out there in space to
accuse us. Besides, God's Word warns us that we will have to give an account of
all our words, whether they are electronically frozen or not: "But I tell
you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every
careless word they have spoken" (Matthew 12:36). So we should pray,
"Set a guard over my mouth, O Lord; keep watch over the door of my
lips" (Psalm 141:3). Proverbs 18:21 warns us that "the tongue has the
power of life and death..." If we are to be justified or condemned by our
words (Matthew 12:37), then life and death are indeed in the power of our
speech.
In the great book of James we learn, "If anyone considers himself
religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself
and his religion is worthless" (James 1:26). The tongue is just another
organ of the body devoid of a moral quality until we use it to express thought
and feeling. Then it becomes the most powerful weapon we have as Christians. R.
Simeon b. Gamaliel said to Tabbai his servant: 'Go and buy me good food in the
market.' He went and bought him tongue. He said to him: 'Go and buy me bad food
in the market.' He went and bought him tongue. Said he to him: 'What is this?
When I told you to get good food you bought me tongue, and when I told you to
get bad food you also bought me tongue!' He replied: 'Good comes from it and
bad comes from it. When the tongue is good there is nothing better, and when it
is bad there is nothing worse'" (Misrash Rabbah).
I KNOW SOMETHING GOOD ABOUT YOU
Wouldn't this old world be better
if the folks we meet would say,
I know something good about you
And then treat you just that way?
Wouldn't it be fine
and dandy
If each handclasp were warm and true,
carried with it this assurance,
I know something good about you?
Wouldn't life be lots more happy
if the good that's in us all
Were the only thing about us
that folks would bother to recall?
Wouldn't life be lots more happy
if we praised the good we see?
For there's such a lot of goodness
in the worst of you and me!
Wouldn't it be nice to practice
that fine way of thinking, too.
You know something good about me;
I know something good about you!
Anonymous
Some of our good folk feel that it is necessary to be brutally frank. The truth
must be told, at all costs! The cost may be too dear for them, finally. These
well-meaning souls would profit from reading Proverbs 15:23: "... How good
is a timely word!" I read of an elderly lady who had lived enough years to
know the difference between the whole truth and nothing but, and that words
fitly spoken should be spoken at a fit time. She gave this excellent advice to
her grandchildren: "Always tell the truth, but don't always be telling
it." For the sake of peace and harmony in the circles in which we go
around, "There is a time to be silent and a time to speak..."
(Ecclesiastes 3:7b). Those who preface and dot their sentences with "truth
be told" may be applying a double-edged scissors to a good friendship.
In that jewel of God's love, Steps to
Christ, we read about how Jesus treated others: "Jesus exercised the
greatest tact, and thoughtful, kind attention, in His intercourse with the
people. He was never rude, never needlessly spoke a severe word, never gave
needless pain to a sensitive soul. He did not censure human weakness." In
another Ellen G. White gem, Mount of
Blessing, we read: "No one has ever been reclaimed from a wrong
position by censure and reproach; but many have thus been driven from Christ
and led to seal their hearts against conviction. A tender spirit, a gentle,
winning deportment, may save the erring and hide a multitude of sins. The
revelation of Christ in your own character will have a transforming power upon
all with whom you come in contact."
"She opens her mouth in wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her
tongue" (Proverbs 31:26). Years ago I read a lament by a leading society
matron on the death and burial of simple courtesy. "Why is everyone so
aggressive?" she asked. Those appealing words "Please" and
"Thank You" have been entombed along with the social discretion of
minding one's own business. To have a kind and pleasing tongue is to have a
golden gift. James tells us that every good and perfect gift is from above
(James 1:17), so perhaps in our morning petitions we should request a tongue
coated with gentleness, goodness and kindness. "Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy" (Matthew 5:7). That is what kindness is:
mercy. "Kindness makes a man attractive" (Proverbs 19:22 TLB).
"Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so
that you may know how to answer everyone" (Colossians 4:6); "Words
from a wise man's mouth are gracious ..." (Ecclesiastes 10:12); "The
Sovereign Lord has given me an instructed tongue, to know the word that sustains
the weary" (Isaiah 50:4); "May God who gives patience, steadiness,
and encouragement help you to live in complete harmony with each other -- each
with the attitude of Christ toward the other" (Romans 15:5 TLB).
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is
not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it
keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the
truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres"
(1 Corinthians 13:4-7). These verses encapsulate our Christian experience of
both doing and saying. If we love as it is presented here, then we surely love
as God requires us to do. Love becomes an active quality as we pray for others
rather than curse them. Love bears all things and, in so doing, learns faith as
a living reality. Love bears the name and reputation of others, and therefore
shields and protects others from embarrassment and criticism. Love is not
suspicious or cynical and therefore gives others the benefit of the doubt. It
is a proven fact that if we treat others with respect and the assumption that
they will act according to our good expectations of them, they will indeed.
Even civil law says people are innocent until proven guilty; the uncivil say
people are guilty until proven innocent, but the Christian assumes that people
are innocent, because the Christian sees Christ in others.
Let us now consider peace. Again, James gives us excellent advice:
"Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness" (James
3:18). Jesus Himself told us, "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will
be called [children] of God" (Matthew 5:9). Peace is one of the grand
gifts of the Holy Spirit: "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy,
peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and
self-control" (Galatians 5:22). We are commanded, "Be at peace with
each other" (Mark 9:50); "If it is possible, as far as it depends on
you, live at peace with everyone" (Romans 12:18); "Make every effort
to live in peace with all men and to be holy" (Hebrews 12:14).
The wise men of the world tell us we should ventilate, but our wise God asks us
to cooperate. We are admonished to "seek peace and pursue it" (Psalm
34:14b). Job knew the vexation of thoughtless words that overwhelmed rather
than healed: "How long will you torment me and crush me with words?" (Job
19:2). And these were his friends! Instead of the contrition they so diligently
sought from Job who they were so sure deserved all he got, they ended up having
to swallow a large dose of bad-tasting submission for their troubles. Instead
of soothing the poor man's soul with words of peace, they vexed him to pieces
with needless and harmful platitudes, well-meaning such as they were. Certainly
Job would have agreed with the provident counsel of 1 Corinthians 4:5:
"Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait till the Lord
comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the
motives of men's hearts. At that time each will receive his praise from
God". And poor Job would have deeply appreciated the following suggestion:
"Now instead, you ought to forgive and comfort him, so that he will not be
overwhelmed by excessive sorrow" (2 Corinthians 2:7). Job devoutly wished
that his friends would have judged his innocence rather than his presumed
guilt, of which they readily informed him. "The only thing that can be
said of them justly is that they were poorly equipped for their ministry of
consolation. They were 'too white'; and the 'flower of life is red.' They
lacked most where the need was greatest. The world perishes not of dark but of
cold. The soul in its deep distress seeks not light but warmth, not counsel but
understanding. If they had ever suffered any themselves, it might have been
different" (Exegesis on Job, Interpreter's Bible).
Jesus is called the Prince of Peace, and He is the chief cornerstone and
foundation of a building fitly framed together with those who long to promote
unity. One of the fairest verses in all the Bible is Ephesians 2:14: "For
he himself is our peace, who has made the two one and has destroyed the
barrier, the dividing wall of hostility..." Words build walls of
hostility, if we are not considerate and discriminating. It is so unfortunate
that those who promote peace are so often called cowards, unrealistic and
soft-hearted, when God calls these gentle souls His sons and daughters. That
alone should motivate us to "seek peace and pursue it."
Dietrich Bonhoeffer says of those who keep the peace, "His disciples keep
the peace by choosing to endure suffering themselves rather than inflict it on
others. They maintain fellowship where others would break it off. They renounce
all self-assertion, and quietly suffer in the face of hatred and wrong. In so
doing they overcome evil with good, and establish the peace of God in the midst
of a world of war and hate" (The
Cost of Discipleship).
Martin Luther has much to say about our interpersonal relationships in his
exegesis on the Sermon on the Mount. Luther was not a calm man so he no doubt
had to deal with this in a vigorous way. Concerning Matthew 5:9 he states:
"...The Lord here honors those who do their best to try to make peace, who
try to settle ugly and involved issues, who endure squabbling and try to avoid
and prevent war and bloodshed...he also gives help and counsel on the side of
peace wherever he can..."
Luther's comment on those who gossip is less delicate: "These are really
poisonous spiders that can suck out nothing but poison from a beautiful, lovely
rose, ruining both the flower and the nectar, while a little bee sucks out
nothing but honey, leaving the roses unharmed. That is the way people act. All
they can notice about other people are the faults or impurities which they can
denounce, but what is good about them they do not see. People have many virtues
which the devil cannot destroy, yet he hides or disfigures them to make them
invisible."
In Luther's exegesis
on Matthew 5:43-48, he gives this good advice: "My reply to someone else's
hate or envy, slander or persecution should not be more hatred and persecution,
slander and curses, but rather my love and help, my blessings and my prayers.
For a Christian is the kind of man who knows no hatred or hostility against
anyone at all, whose heart is neither angry nor vindictive, but only loving,
mild, and helpful."
A study of John 3:17 would profit us all: "For God did not send his Son
into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him." Further
on in the book of John we read of the woman who was taken in adultery (John
8:11).This passage about those who would condemn is particularly touching. The
Pharisees, in the hardness of their hearts and laws, sought not only to condemn
the woman but to entrap Jesus in the process. The cunning Pharisees came up
against the greater wisdom and love of Jesus, though, and He turned their
weapons against themselves. Jesus' mission was and is to heal, not to wound; to
comfort, not to punish; to reveal the impartial heart of His Father, not to
execute the harsh judgments of partial men. In His dealings with these hypocrites,
Jesus carried the problem out of the judicial sphere directly into the hearts
of the accusers themselves. In His gentle way of dealing with sin, He awakened
gratitude and repentance in the sinner, and He restored her self-respect and
her hope. Jesus neither censured nor reproached, but neither did He justify her
sin, but quietly told her to go and sin no more.
Another striking feature of this passage is the way Jesus dealt with the
accusers themselves. His own nature of compassion and courtesy ruled out His
treating the Pharisees as they so rudely treated the woman. Rather than rebuke
them with the strong words they deserved, He maintained a calm dignity and, in
writing on the ground what so struck their consciences, He spared them public
exposure of their own sinful actions and attitudes. We should pray that we
would be as tender and as gracious with our accusers! As Jesus was kind to
sinners, so He asks us to be gentle with the sensitive feelings of others, for
He Himself was the most tenderhearted Man on earth. He asks that we have
patience with those who would injure by word or deed, and to be silent as He
was silent under provocation. True, this is not humanly possible, but with
Christ, all things are possible and even necessary if we are to be spiritually
healthy.
"But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,
that you may be sons of your Father in heaven" (Matthew 5:44,45). This is
totally contrary to human nature, and yet it is the Christian ethic of personal
relations. It becomes a willing love, literally. We must will to love those who
do not or cannot love, for reasons that we don't understand. It is only Jesus
Himself who can enable to us to conquer our tendency to strike out with angry
and bitter words in the face of another's hate. This is the one thing that
makes us most like Jesus: the love we bear for those who seem least deserving
of it. It issues into the action of prayer for them and, as we pray for them,
our own heart blooms with understanding for them and peace can again be
restored to our hearts. If we must say words, then let them be of forgiveness
and of God's love, and let us present that person to God as a friend. For those
who seek revenge, this is the true revenge: agape love.
Abraham Lincoln, that grand peacemaker, shared these words for all ages,
written from his own broken heart because of an uncivil war in which brother
fought brother: "With malice toward none; with charity toward all; with
firmness in the right, as God gives us to see the right, let us strive on to
finish the work we are in; to bind up the nation's wounds; to care for him who
shall have borne the battle, and for his widow, and his orphan--to do all which
may achieve and cherish a just and lasting peace." The peacemaker works
alongside the Prince of Peace, and practices His presence always.
"Lord, who may dwell in your sanctuary? Who may live on your holy hill? He
whose walk is blameless and who does what is righteous, who speaks the truth
from his heart and has no slander on his tongue, who does his neighbor no wrong
and casts no slur on his fellowman ..." (Psalm 15:1-3). Only those with
the character of God will abide in His sanctuary. The only description that
Jesus gives of Himself is found in Matthew 11:29: "I am gentle and humble
in heart..." (NIV).Can we be and do no less, if we love our Lord?
We must be acceptable in walk, work and word. Cuts from a knife heal, but we
have no guarantee that cuts from our tongue will heal. I know a lady who shared
a sad secret with me one day. She said the only thing she remembers her mother
saying to her when she was a child is that she wasn't worth the powder to blow
her up. That lady is 54 years old and still struggles with that terrible
putdown, even though she is an accomplished and intelligent person. How tragic!
We should beg God's forgiveness every night for every cruel word we say,
especially within the family circle. With prayer love covers, but the wounded
person is on guard from then on. We don't purposely stay around those who wittingly
or unwittingly do harm to us, and this is precisely what happens, for none of
us is immunized against the devilish venom in and of the tongue.
We should eagerly pursue the Love that forgives and forgets and goes forward in
spite of great and small injuries. I read of a lady who managed to bury a
grievous injustice by mentally digging a grave and quickly lowering into it the
thing which wounded her unto a certain death if she didn't do something with
it. She then covered it with white roses and forget-me-nots and quickly walked
away. Finally she was able to sleep that sweet sleep of peace, and came to the
point in her life where she couldn't even remember what had caused her such
anguish. Oh! that we, too, could accept that grace of God which enables us to
bury the hurts in our lives.
William Perkins (1558-1602) wrote timeless advice: "Despise not thy
neighbour, but think thyself as bad a sinner, and that the like defects may
befall thee. If thou canst not excuse his doing, excuse his intent which may be
good; or if the deed be evil, think it was done of ignorance; if thou canst no
way excuse him, think some great temptation befell him, and that thou shouldst
be worse if the like temptation befell thee; and give God thanks that the like
as yet hath not befallen thee." As that other timeless adage goes,
"There but for the grace of God go I." But if we are honest with
ourselves, we will admit that we have done as badly or worse than others.
Just as important as what we say is how we say it. If a parent, particularly,
has a naturally stentorian voice, he or she will do the child a tremendous
favor if the effort is made to cultivate a gentle and persuasive tone. There is
a great difference between a command in a shattering yell, and a "Please,
will you," said quietly and lovingly. In fact, "The quiet words of
the wise are more to be heeded.." (Ecclesiastes 9:17). This may seem a
minor matter, but it is "the foxes -- the little foxes -- that spoil the
vines" of love. Words especially can be sneaky foxes that come back to
haunt us years later.
Our words must be measured and weighed ever so carefully in the balances and
valences of life. It is sad enough to lose a heart-mate, whether spouse, child,
relative or dear friend, through the expected vicissitudes of life, but to lose
love's loyalty and concern because of an intemperate tantrum of the tongue is
tragic indeed. And rattle-tattle is the midnight horror show. Pascal observed
that if all persons knew what each said of the other, there would not be four
friends in the world.
The book of Proverbs, a mini-course in our interpersonal relationships, warns
that a brother offended is harder to be won than a strong city (Proverbs
18:19).Once the die is cast, there's no doing away with the spot. Like Lady
Macbeth, we can curse it, rub it and scrub it, but to no avail. Only God's love
and mercy can forgive it, cure it or, better yet, prevent it in the first
place.
"The heart of fools is in their mouth; but the mouth of the wise is in
their heart" (Thomas Adams).
"If, instead of a gem or even a flower, we could cast the gift of a lovely
thought into the heart of a friend, that would be giving as the angels give"
(George MacDonald).
"Wisdom hangs up the thermometer at the furnace mouth, and regulates the
heart" (Spurgeon).
"A sharp tongue is the only edge tool that grows keener with constant use"
(Washington Irving).
"For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and
every evil practice. But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all
pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full and mercy and good
fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of
righteousness" (James 3:16-18).
Dear Father, I beg forgiveness for all the uncharitable thoughts, words, and
deeds of my life. Loose my tongue only in Your praise -- never to hurt another
heart. Give me insight to understand and to love. Let Your love make the
difference so there will be no indifference to those in my life. Please, Lord,
light my candle and enlighten my darkness. I thank You! Amen.