This is such a touching letter! It was found in Sullivan Ballou's pocket and given to his wife after his death. What so reaches out to my heart is his concern for his boys and his ability to express that concern.
July the 14th, 1861
Washington DC
My very dear Sarah:
The
indications are very strong that we shall move in a few days - perhaps tomorrow.
Lest I should not be able to write you again, I feel impelled to write lines
that may fall under your eye when I shall be no more.
Our movement may be
one of a few days duration and full of pleasure - and it may be one of severe
conflict and death to me. Not my will, but thine 0 God, be done. If it is
necessary that I should fall on the battlefield for my country, I am ready. I
have no misgivings about, or lack of confidence in, the cause in which I am
engaged, and my courage does not halt or falter. I know how strongly American
Civilization now leans upon the triumph of the Government, and how great a debt
we owe to those who went before us through the blood and suffering of the
Revolution. And I am willing - perfectly willing - to lay down all my joys in
this life, to help maintain this Government, and to pay that debt.
But,
my dear wife, when I know that with my own joys I lay down nearly all of yours,
and replace them in this life with cares and sorrows - when, after having eaten
for long years the bitter fruit of orphanage myself, I must offer it as their
only sustenance to my dear little children - is it weak or dishonorable, while
the banner of my purpose floats calmly and proudly in the breeze, that my
unbounded love for you, my darling wife and children, should struggle in fierce,
though useless, contest with my love of country?
I cannot describe to you
my feelings on this calm summer night, when two thousand men are sleeping around
me, many of them enjoying the last, perhaps, before that of death -- and I,
suspicious that Death is creeping behind me with his fatal dart, am communing
with God, my country, and thee.
I have sought most closely and
diligently, and often in my breast, for a wrong motive in thus hazarding the
happiness of those I loved and I could not find one. A pure love of my country
and of the principles have often advocated before the people and "the name of
honor that I love more than I fear death" have called upon me, and I have
obeyed.
Sarah, my love for you is deathless, it seems to bind me to you
with mighty cables that nothing but Omnipotence could break; and yet my love of
Country comes over me like a strong wind and bears me irresistibly on with all
these chains to the battlefield.
The memories of the blissful moments I
have spent with you come creeping over me, and I feel most gratified to God and
to you that I have enjoyed them so long. And hard it is for me to give them up
and burn to ashes the hopes of future years, when God willing, we might still
have lived and loved together and seen our sons grow up to honorable manhood
around us. I have, I know, but few and small claims upon Divine Providence, but
something whispers to me - perhaps it is the wafted prayer of my little Edgar --
that I shall return to my loved ones unharmed. If I do not, my dear Sarah, never
forget how much I love you, and when my last breath escapes me on the
battlefield, it will whisper your name.
Forgive my many faults, and the
many pains I have caused you. How thoughtless and foolish I have oftentimes
been! How gladly would I wash out with my tears every little spot upon your
happiness, and struggle with all the misfortune of this world, to shield you and
my children from harm. But I cannot. I must watch you from the spirit land and
hover near you, while you buffet the storms with your precious little freight,
and wait with sad patience till we meet to part no more.
But, O Sarah! If
the dead can come back to this earth and flit unseen around those they loved, I
shall always be near you; in the garish day and in the darkest night -- amidst
your happiest scenes and gloomiest hours - always, always; and if there be a
soft breeze upon your cheek, it shall be my breath; or the cool air fans your
throbbing temple, it shall be my spirit passing by.
Sarah, do not mourn
me dead; think I am gone and wait for thee, for we shall meet again.
As
for my little boys, they will grow as I have done, and never know a father's
love and care. Little Willie is too young to remember me long, and my blue eyed
Edgar will keep my frolics with him among the dimmest memories of his childhood.
Sarah, I have unlimited confidence in your maternal care and your development of
their characters. Tell my two mothers his and hers I call God's blessing upon
them. O Sarah, I wait for you there! Come to me, and lead thither my
children.
Sullivan
Monday, May 27, 2013
Monday, May 20, 2013
Dear Phil!
I just received an email from a very dear friend named Phil. Phil is the person who started me on Internet, the first to publish my devotions and to encourage me to continue. I am so grateful to him. He will be having major surgery soon, and I am asking prayers for him. There are some people who grace this earth with that extra in the extraordinary - Phil is one of these people!
God bless you, dear friend! I'm sending some verses to you that I put together when our son Dan was so ill. I pray they will help:
"[Phil] shall live again and God's program shall prosper in [his] hands" (Isaiah 53:10).
"[God] nurses [Phil] when [he is] sick and soothes [his] pain and worries" (Psalm 41:3).
"The Lord [stands] at [Phil's] side and [gives him] strength" (2 Timothy 4:17).
"The God of all grace...will himself restore you, [Phil], and make you strong..." (Peter 5:10).
"He gives power to the tired and worn out, and strength to the weak" (Isaiah 40:29).
"He will carry [Phil, His lamb] in his arms..." (Isaiah 40:11).
"For I know the plans I have for you, [Phil], plans for good...to give you a future and a hope" (Jer 29:11).
"My God will meet all your needs... [Phil]" (Philippians 4:19).
God bless you, dear friend! I'm sending some verses to you that I put together when our son Dan was so ill. I pray they will help:
"[Phil] shall live again and God's program shall prosper in [his] hands" (Isaiah 53:10).
"[God] nurses [Phil] when [he is] sick and soothes [his] pain and worries" (Psalm 41:3).
"The Lord [stands] at [Phil's] side and [gives him] strength" (2 Timothy 4:17).
"The God of all grace...will himself restore you, [Phil], and make you strong..." (Peter 5:10).
"He gives power to the tired and worn out, and strength to the weak" (Isaiah 40:29).
"He will carry [Phil, His lamb] in his arms..." (Isaiah 40:11).
"For I know the plans I have for you, [Phil], plans for good...to give you a future and a hope" (Jer 29:11).
"My God will meet all your needs... [Phil]" (Philippians 4:19).
Christ's invitation to dine with Him
| An
Invitation to Dine
by Pat Nordman
|
This is one of my favorite chapters in God's Word because here we can relate directly to Jesus' humanity. Who would have expected Jesus Himself to cook breakfast and invite His beloved friends! Imagine the understanding and love in this incredible act for these cherished followers who fled when He so needed them! Here we find the familiar and intimate relationship with One who does for us, in spite of what we do to Him. Oh, how we need to know this when we have done something that grieves God and others! How comforting and strengthening–and mending and amending–it is to our broken lives to have a Friend! In his book, The Road Less Traveled, author M. Scott Peck, in his section on The Miracle of Serendipity, tells us this is really grace: "...Grace, manifested in part by `valuable or agreeable things not sought for,' is available to everyone, but that while some take advantage of it, others do not... -Let me suggest that one of the reasons we fail to take advantage of grace is that we are not fully aware of its presence–that is, we don't find valuable things not sought for, because we fail to appreciate the value of the gift when it is given us.'" Surely Jesus' invitation to the weary disciples was an unexpected grace, a serendipity. "Come, dine with Me!" He asks their companionship and is ready to provide their needs. Here is the sacrament and the ultimate union. He did not demand that they come and serve Him, nor did He tell them to go off to the side and eat; instead, He served them and ate with them. What a glorious testament and truth--and treatment! Many graces–serendipities–overflow in our daily life, but we won't find them unless we are tuned in to God's love, and unless we are most grateful for His providence. Perhaps providence is the gift of the awareness of His many gifts! We will have much more joyful lives if we recognize and appreciate these countless graces. | |
| ... here we can relate directly to Jesus' humanity. Who would have expected Jesus Himself to cook breakfast and invite His beloved friends! |
God has heard the boy crying!
"What is the matter, Hagar? Do not be afraid; God has heard the boy crying as he lies there" (Genesis 21:17).
God hears us. There are times when we wonder if God even realizes we exist, but God knows when we need Him. This young man's suffering had a "voice" which our compassionate God heard and He answered where and when this young man so desperately needed it. He does the same for us.
Anguish has its own peculiar voice:
I am worn out from groaning...The Lord has heard my weeping. The Lord has heard my cry for mercy…Psalm 6:6,8,9;
But when we cried out to the Lord, he heard our cry...Numbers 20:16;
The Lord listened to Israel's plea...Numbers 21:3;
Then we cried out to the Lord...and the Lord heard our voice and saw our misery... Deuteronomy 26:7;
There was never a day like it...a day when the Lord listened to a man...Joshua 10:14;
The Lord heard Elijah's cry...1 Kings 17:22;
In my distress I called to the Lord, and he answered me...Jonah 2:2;
and Jesus:
Father, I thank you that you have heard me. I knew that you always hear me...John 11:41,42.
We cannot doubt that God hears and answers prayer, as unimaginative as it sounds. We have heard it over and over, but when the waves and breakers of life begin to drown us, we need to be reminded again that God is a viable and veritable force, not so much to be reckoned with as to be trusted. "Deep calls to deep in the roar of [our] waterfalls," (Psalm 42:7). God is the Captain who asks us to keep our eye and heart on Him, as we walk on the roaring waves of life (Matthew 14:29-31). He asks us, too, "You of little faith, why did you doubt that I can rescue you; that I hear your faint cries?"
May God open our eyes to see the well, and may He make His Word the pitcher to carry His living water to our dying souls! "Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know." (Jeremiah 33:3.)
Patricia Erwin Nordman, Walking Through the Darkness
God hears us. There are times when we wonder if God even realizes we exist, but God knows when we need Him. This young man's suffering had a "voice" which our compassionate God heard and He answered where and when this young man so desperately needed it. He does the same for us.
Anguish has its own peculiar voice:
I am worn out from groaning...The Lord has heard my weeping. The Lord has heard my cry for mercy…Psalm 6:6,8,9;
But when we cried out to the Lord, he heard our cry...Numbers 20:16;
The Lord listened to Israel's plea...Numbers 21:3;
Then we cried out to the Lord...and the Lord heard our voice and saw our misery... Deuteronomy 26:7;
There was never a day like it...a day when the Lord listened to a man...Joshua 10:14;
The Lord heard Elijah's cry...1 Kings 17:22;
In my distress I called to the Lord, and he answered me...Jonah 2:2;
and Jesus:
Father, I thank you that you have heard me. I knew that you always hear me...John 11:41,42.
We cannot doubt that God hears and answers prayer, as unimaginative as it sounds. We have heard it over and over, but when the waves and breakers of life begin to drown us, we need to be reminded again that God is a viable and veritable force, not so much to be reckoned with as to be trusted. "Deep calls to deep in the roar of [our] waterfalls," (Psalm 42:7). God is the Captain who asks us to keep our eye and heart on Him, as we walk on the roaring waves of life (Matthew 14:29-31). He asks us, too, "You of little faith, why did you doubt that I can rescue you; that I hear your faint cries?"
May God open our eyes to see the well, and may He make His Word the pitcher to carry His living water to our dying souls! "Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know." (Jeremiah 33:3.)
Patricia Erwin Nordman, Walking Through the Darkness
DNA
"We have different gifts, according to the grace given us'
(Romans 12:6); "But each man has his own gift from God"
(1 Corinthians 7:7)
We each have our different DNA: Different Natures All! Just as
fingerprints are different, so is each temperament and each physique. This
is what makes life so profound and provocative. How dull our lives would
be if we all had the same predilections and elections. "For he knows how
we are formed, he remembers that we are dust" (Psalm 103:14). How easy
it is to become discouraged and to hate ourselves because we can't do as
much or as well as others, but it is God who has placed us in our
circumstances and it is He who has given us our talents. Surely He
realizes our weaknesses. He also knows that there are certain areas in
which we can do very well, for this is His mission for our life.
Even our bodily constitution is from the Creator, and we have to face the
fact that others are stronger, physically. One person has strength of
body; another may compensate with strength of will and be better
for it, too. Some have manual dexterity; others, dexterity of mind. Even
in thinking, there are differences. Some have logic and others have
intuition, but both types arrive at the same conclusions. This doesn't
mean that either is wrong.
In choosing His twelve disciples, Jesus chose across the board of
temperaments and physiques. They were busy, ordinary men who probably
wondered why they were chosen for the distinct privilege of walking with
the Master. He purposely chose clay that could be molded into His image.
We, too, have been chosen that His image can be stamped onto our hearts.
So let's not be discouraged at our lack of all ten talents, but give as we
have been given by the Master. Had we all ten talents, pride would wipe
away His impressions. (PENordman.)
(Romans 12:6); "But each man has his own gift from God"
(1 Corinthians 7:7)
We each have our different DNA: Different Natures All! Just as
fingerprints are different, so is each temperament and each physique. This
is what makes life so profound and provocative. How dull our lives would
be if we all had the same predilections and elections. "For he knows how
we are formed, he remembers that we are dust" (Psalm 103:14). How easy
it is to become discouraged and to hate ourselves because we can't do as
much or as well as others, but it is God who has placed us in our
circumstances and it is He who has given us our talents. Surely He
realizes our weaknesses. He also knows that there are certain areas in
which we can do very well, for this is His mission for our life.
Even our bodily constitution is from the Creator, and we have to face the
fact that others are stronger, physically. One person has strength of
body; another may compensate with strength of will and be better
for it, too. Some have manual dexterity; others, dexterity of mind. Even
in thinking, there are differences. Some have logic and others have
intuition, but both types arrive at the same conclusions. This doesn't
mean that either is wrong.
In choosing His twelve disciples, Jesus chose across the board of
temperaments and physiques. They were busy, ordinary men who probably
wondered why they were chosen for the distinct privilege of walking with
the Master. He purposely chose clay that could be molded into His image.
We, too, have been chosen that His image can be stamped onto our hearts.
So let's not be discouraged at our lack of all ten talents, but give as we
have been given by the Master. Had we all ten talents, pride would wipe
away His impressions. (PENordman.)
The Upturned Cup
In his book, The
God Who Would Be Man, H.M.S. Richards tells of the visit of a chaplain-general
of the forces, Bishop Taylor Smith, to a military hospital during World War I.
He noticed two wounded men sitting by a table on which was a bowl turned upside
down. He asked the men, "Do you know the two things that are under that bowl?"
"No," one of the men said. "Darkness and uselessness," the chaplain replied.
Quickly he turned the bowl right side up. "Now," he said to the two curious men,
"it's full of light, and ready to hold porridge, soup, or anything you might
like to use it for. It's a converted bowl."
What a grand concept this is. God has assigned us our cup. We can choose to turn it upside down and be dark and morose and finally useless, or we can choose to turn it right side up and fill it to overflowing with His blessings and then share these serendipities with others.
Sometimes we are asked to drink a cup of sorrow. Rather than inverting or controverting what can be a spiritual lesson for us, we can convert our cup of sorrow into a dessert of comfort instead of a desert of corrosive grief. God then blesses the upturned cup for ourselves and others. "When [we] walk through the Valley of Weeping it will become a place of springs where pools of blessing and refreshment collect after rains!" (Psalm 84:6 TLB.) "The pilgrim band, rich in hope, forget the trials and difficulties of the way. Hope changes the rugged and stony waste into living fountains. The vale blossoms as if the sweet rain of heaven had covered it with blessings. Hope sustains them at every step. From station to station they renew their strength as they draw nearer the end of their journey, till at last they appear before God." (Perowne.)
What a grand concept this is. God has assigned us our cup. We can choose to turn it upside down and be dark and morose and finally useless, or we can choose to turn it right side up and fill it to overflowing with His blessings and then share these serendipities with others.
Sometimes we are asked to drink a cup of sorrow. Rather than inverting or controverting what can be a spiritual lesson for us, we can convert our cup of sorrow into a dessert of comfort instead of a desert of corrosive grief. God then blesses the upturned cup for ourselves and others. "When [we] walk through the Valley of Weeping it will become a place of springs where pools of blessing and refreshment collect after rains!" (Psalm 84:6 TLB.) "The pilgrim band, rich in hope, forget the trials and difficulties of the way. Hope changes the rugged and stony waste into living fountains. The vale blossoms as if the sweet rain of heaven had covered it with blessings. Hope sustains them at every step. From station to station they renew their strength as they draw nearer the end of their journey, till at last they appear before God." (Perowne.)
Sunday, May 19, 2013
Saints
"To all...who are loved by God and called to be saints..." (Romans 1:7); "As for the saints in the land, they are the noble, in whom is all my delight" (Psalm 16:3 RSV).
What is a saint?
A JEWEL in disguise.
A PRINCE in peasant's garbs.
An immortal LIFE in dying flesh.
An AMBASSADOR of the King Eternal, detained on foreign soil.
A MONARCH at the foot of the throne, waiting for his crown.
A ROYAL SLAVE in a prison of clay, preparing for a mansion.
A TRAVELER on a rocky road, bound for the streets of gold.
A WATCHMAN of the midnight hills, to greet the everlasting Day.
A DIAMOND in the rough, being polished to shine as the stars.
A NUGGET of gold in the crucible, to be refined from its dross.
A PEARL in the oyster, to be delivered from the body of flesh.
A LAMP in a dark, dark night, soon to blaze forth with everlasting light.
A STRANGER in the midst of enemies, hurrying on to live in everlasting fellowship.
A FLOWER in a garden of briars, soon to unfold its petals where the Rose of Sharon blooms.
- Unknown.
Saints are persons who are sanctified, not sanctimonious. They walk and talk and live a practical life. Saints are willing to get hands dirty and hearts broken, as our Jesus did. Oswald Chambers tells us, "A saint is a bundle of specially qualified reactions. For every possible circumstance in life, there is a line of behavior marked out in advance for us; it is not stated in black and white, we have to be so familiar with God's Book that when we come to a crisis the Spirit of God brings back to our memory the things we had read but never understood, and we see what we should do. God is making characters, not mechanisms."
What is a saint?
A JEWEL in disguise.
A PRINCE in peasant's garbs.
An immortal LIFE in dying flesh.
An AMBASSADOR of the King Eternal, detained on foreign soil.
A MONARCH at the foot of the throne, waiting for his crown.
A ROYAL SLAVE in a prison of clay, preparing for a mansion.
A TRAVELER on a rocky road, bound for the streets of gold.
A WATCHMAN of the midnight hills, to greet the everlasting Day.
A DIAMOND in the rough, being polished to shine as the stars.
A NUGGET of gold in the crucible, to be refined from its dross.
A PEARL in the oyster, to be delivered from the body of flesh.
A LAMP in a dark, dark night, soon to blaze forth with everlasting light.
A STRANGER in the midst of enemies, hurrying on to live in everlasting fellowship.
A FLOWER in a garden of briars, soon to unfold its petals where the Rose of Sharon blooms.
- Unknown.
Saints are persons who are sanctified, not sanctimonious. They walk and talk and live a practical life. Saints are willing to get hands dirty and hearts broken, as our Jesus did. Oswald Chambers tells us, "A saint is a bundle of specially qualified reactions. For every possible circumstance in life, there is a line of behavior marked out in advance for us; it is not stated in black and white, we have to be so familiar with God's Book that when we come to a crisis the Spirit of God brings back to our memory the things we had read but never understood, and we see what we should do. God is making characters, not mechanisms."
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